about you
am I the right therapist?
what is therapy, exactly?
Our culture tends to frame therapy as support through “mental illness.” But in my practice, I work with clients on their mental health.
I don’t have many clients who come in every week. More commonly, I meet with people every couple of weeks, once a month, or now-and-then when they need to debrief a concern or a perspective shift.
Many clients worry a little bit about being in therapy, because they are high functioning. They say things like:
“Doesn’t someone else need this more than me?”
“I’m really doing ok. Am I taking resources that should go to someone else? I know there’s a lot of need out there.”
But in my view, for people who like to work through things in conversation, it’s crucial to have a therapist who knows you well and is an objective observer of the events of your life — and the events of many others’ lives as well!
It comes down to this: The better you are doing, the better your partner, kids, friends, and colleagues do. Committing to your own personal growth work is responsible, and has a positive effect on your relationships and professional contributions.
Navigating life fairly well as you do, you naturally have some good friends or family members available for emotional processing. But in my mind, these folks serve a different purpose. They are mostly supposed to take your side, be in your corner, have your back. The therapist’s job is a little different than that. Like I always say to clients, “This works because I’m not at your Thanksgiving dinner!” Meaning, you give me permission to challenge you and support you, to help you reflect on how your habits or approaches might be keeping you stuck.
I’m in your corner too, of course. But I make sure that it’s from the perspective of what I know about who you want to be as an individual. It’s my job to check in with you when your choices or behavior might not be in alignment with who you are, and challenge you to correct your course. And different than a friend (unless that friend is a therapist!), I talk to lots of high-functioning people in similar types of situations. So I have a good handle on what approaches work to help us get through things well, and what approaches do not.
what kind of therapist is right for you?
In their search for a therapist, I think most of my clients ask themselves:
Is this person going to “get” me?
How often do I need to come in, and for how long?
Is she going to just tell me what she thinks I want to hear, or is she going to tell me what I need to hear?
There are lots of different therapeutic modalities out there. Human beings are complex, and there are lots of ways to talk about why we make the choices we do.
And I know that for all the modalities and approaches that we use professionally, therapy is primarily a relationship. As for my part of the relationship, I really like my clients. All of them. It’s funny how that works—when we really know the intimate challenges and struggles of another human, along with their strengths, it feels impossible not to like them!
Of course, you have to feel comfortable with your therapist too. And there are no guarantees on that—you have to feel it out. I’m pretty direct, and a little bit more action-oriented than some therapists. I empathize with you in your difficulties, and I’m also light-hearted and enjoy laughing with you when something happens that just feels weird!
It’s also possible that my style moves a little quickly for you, or doesn’t let you sit in the past so much. If you don’t feel comfortable with me, I know for sure that meeting together isn’t going to be helpful. So I don’t take it personally when people choose to go in another direction or just fall off the map for a bit. And while I’m happy to be with you throughout the course of your journey over many years, I’m also happy to meet you for a just few sessions during a life stage when therapy with me seems like a good fit.
what’s personal growth?
So, what are the typical needs that high functioning people have in therapy?
Often, the need for therapy comes up in the middle of a change—an empty nest, a difficult job, a divorce, a death. Most of our lives consist of our relationships and our jobs, so we talk a lot about relationship concerns and professional concerns. I work with clients who want to find a good workplace fit and contribute in a meaningful way to their community. I work with clients who want to be good spouses, girlfriends & boyfriends, parents to their kids and kids to their parents. I work with people that want to come to the eventual last stage of life having grown into an increasingly healthy individual, carrying out commitments that feel meaningful, and carrying out those meaningful commitments with integrity.
I help healthy individuals grow into increasingly healthier versions of themselves. Therapy involves looking at both the past and the future. I get to know the details of your family of origin and your long-term relationships, so we can both understand how you developed into the person you are. In that process, we reflect on strategies that are helping you move forward, and find ways to do more of that. We’ll also reflect on the things you are doing that are an impediment to your health and happiness, and set goals for your moving forward into a more thriving future.
Living into our healthiest, most thriving selves involves a conscious intention toward personal growth. Having guidance from a therapist who knows you well enough to help you move towards that personal growth allows you to feel less stress, less depression, less anxiety, and more like your best self.
Has there been a crisis?
I often tell clients that everyone has a couple or three experiences over the course of life that really throw them a curveball and change the course of things. Experiences that take more than a just few months to come through, and then even longer to process. These experiences might be something like a divorce, a job loss, grief over a death of someone close to you, or your own health scare. These are the things at the high end of those charts of “life’s stressful events."
If you have a relationship established with a therapist for the day-to-day personal growth stuff and the smaller transitions that come up; then, when the crisis hits, we can really dig in and meet weekly for a while, to help you through the rough patch and set you on your feet.
There are also times in life when things are challenging, but you sort of know what to do. And you may just need support, validation and perspective here and there. During those crisis times that you really don’t know how best to put one foot in front of the other, it’s great to be able to rely on the relationship you have with the therapist who knows you as the person you usually are when you are moving well through the normal day-to-day.
what do you need?
I work with clients flexibly: we can meet once or twice a week when you’re really deeply “in the middle of it.” And then you can be out of touch for months and come back for just one appointment at a time. You are someone who is good at knowing what you need when you need it, and I trust that. I feel privileged to be present to support through the periods of time when you need support.